10 days into the new year and I'm already struggling with some of the goals that I have made this year. I posted a status on my Facebook account all about "accountability". The reality is we cannot achieve the goals we make for ourselves if we do not hold ourselves accountable. The reality is its easy to blame someone else for whats wrong in our lives. Its easy to point the finger elsewhere, but this has to stop 🚫.
The struggle is real in these streets! The struggle that I'm talking about in this moment is all about weight. I'm here waiting for the weight to go, I've started working out (last year November) and I was making conscious decisions as it relates to food, but one mad decision one night, has lead to many more. Its like my brain can't switch off the pleasure sensor. So where does that leave me? Well I stepped on the scale and lets just say, I'm hella annoyed with myself. But I have to remember this is a process.
Its never been easy for me as it relates to weight. When I was in primary school, I still remember one of my classmates telling me I was big like a car wash. Now imagine, little me, surrounded by much more slender caucasian female counterparts. Didn't do much for my self esteem, as you can imagine.
Then there was family, I was constantly told as I matured that I was "big". No matter what, my grandmother (may she rest peacefully) would tell me, I was getting big. I don't believe she had any ill intentions, but the words surely stuck with me. As I continued to develop into my young womanhood, my hip got bigger as did my thighs, my waist stayed slim. Its not that I realized if I had truly been conscious of my proportions I would have been a bombshell, LOL!
But really, all of the outside influences, not to mention the media, really skewed my view of what a woman should look like. But now, thank heavens I can appreciate my body for what it is and where it came from. I don't like to dwell in the past, I don't have all of the knowledge I do now, nor did I have the same frame of thinking.
So back to now, January 10, 2018, when making the right decision is still challenging. Hella hard, I just want to eat french fries all day and drink soda 😖; but this won't cut it. So lets be real about somethings, weight loss is rough, I've been trying on and off for the past 4 years to drop this post baby weight, LOLOL, Jesus Christ, that is a damn long time. I'm not going to defend myself against the critics, its not easy and you know it, so before you go there, shut the hell up.
But yeah, back to the struggle...so exactly how much do I weigh? I'm presently clocking in at around 238lbs the last time that I stepped on a scale. (Sigh, huge sigh). I've endeavored to continue working out though, 4 times a week. But food is a comfort, and come one, who doesn't want to feel better when they feel bad?
But again, I have to be accountable. I have to assume control of my emotions and my habits and work this shit out for good. I'm a mind over matter type of thing. So how am I going to hold myself accountable? I'm going to keep a food and drink daily dairy first and foremost. I'm going to ensure that I'm consuming sufficient water and I'm going to do my very best to cut out all this processed food and soda and junk. I owe it to myself to get rid of this weight.
Here's a picture of me from last year November, I had embarked on my workout journey and I was feeling really comfortable in my body with the progress from working out and being conscious of the food I was consuming.
I didn't feel uncomfortable at all in this outfit, something that I would have said no to prior to working out. I want to feel like this again, fearlessly comfortable and confident. So here's to 2018 making taking small steps to get to a bigger goal. I think what I'll do in the future as I continue the discussion on my challenges with my weight, I will also post pictures of my progress, perhaps on a monthly basis. My goal is for my 30th birthday this year to be in the best shape I've even been in. I have time to get it done, so its now. 💪💪
Be accountable!
